


Don Jon

by fxcknouiam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: DON JON FAN FIC, Dry Humping, F/M, Gen, Harry Styles-centric, Kissing, Porn, Religion, Swearing, THIS IS ALL LITERALLY DON JON, Top Harry, church, girl Zayn, harrys a man slut, idk - Freeform, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3656664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxcknouiam/pseuds/fxcknouiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles as Jon Martello from the movie Don Jon</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> everything is literally word for word from the movie im so sorry 
> 
> also not edited

The sound of his laptop powering on shouldn't make him as hard as it does. It shouldn't make him hard at all, probably, but the chiming gets him hard as a fuckin' rock. He doesn't like to rush the process though, so he starts off with pictures. Girls sucking their fingers with their titties out and their legs spread, some in costumes like police officers in leather and school teachers with transparent shirts that do nothing to cover their rock hard nipples and almost always a way too short skirt, those get him interested the most, but he doesn't actually touch his cock yet. When he's really into it, that's when he looks for the perfect video. Then, he loses it. For the next few minutes, all of life's bull shit fades away and the only thing that exists are those tits, that ass. The blow job, the doggy style, the reverse cowgirl, the /money shot/. He doesn't have to say anything, he doesn't have to do anything. He just loses himself until he's coming into fist. 

** 

There's only a few things in life Harry Styles actually cares about. His body, his place, his ride, his family, his God, his boys, his /girls/, and porn. The last one probably sounds a little strange but nothing else does it for him, not even real pussy. And he gets plenty of that.

"Hazzy!" Niall cheered.

"Harry boy, what's up?" Liam half hugs his best friend. 

"Is everything good with you?" Niall moves in for a full on, two armed hug after Liam lets go, Harry quickly pushes him off. 

"What the fucks wrong with you?" 

Niall's pout is only present for a brief second until Liam points to a dancing girl with his drink. 

"Hey, hey, purple," 

Harry glances at her. She's Asian, but she's got at least a B cup. "She's not bad," he decides. "Seven."

"What!" Niall throws his arms up, some of his drink spills. "She didn't even turn around! You can't make that call,"

"Her face is a ten," Liam says. "Tits are definitely a ten." He nods. 

Harry shakes his head. "Eight on the tits." 

"Holy... sequences! Behind you," Niall stares behind Harry's shoulder until he glances. He sees her face and immediately groans.

"Look she's coming over here." Niall's giddy. 

Harry rolls his eyes. "Because you keep staring right at her." 

"Well look who the fuck it is." Sequences says when Harry turns around. He doesn't remember her name, probably never even got it but he definitely remembers that face, Lord knows there's no forgetting that nagging voice. 

"How are you?" he smiles. He isn't against a round two with her, only if tonight is dry. 

"You'd know if you called me," her tone bitter.

"Come on, you're a grown woman. You knew I wasn't going to call you," he smiles to soften the blow. 

The girl laughs. "You're pathetic you know that? Every week you got someone new." 

"Then why'd you come home with me?" he raises his hands, smirking at her before turning back to his boys.

"Fuck you!" 

Liam nods at sequences as she's walking back in the direction she came from. "Eight."

"Seven." Niall scoffs. 

Harry makes a face at him. "Are you fuckin kidding me?" 

"I gave it an eight, your records still in tact. Chill." 

"Oh shit!" Niall hollers, a few dancers look at him like he was disturbing the loud music. 

Harry and Liam look where Niall's looking. A woman in a red dress is leaning against the bar, long black hair and perfect pouty lips. Even from across the bar she's a ten. 

"That's a nine." Even though Harry hasn't blinked since he looked at her. 

Niall tilts his head "I don't know, she's kinda big," 

Liam slaps the blonde on the back of his head. 

"That's cause he only likes them supermodel, skeleton broads, especially the ones that look like boys." Harry laughs to Liam.

"Fuck you!"

"He's not wrong," Liam agrees with Harry (as always). 

"That's just too much titty," Niall uses the hand not holding his drink to imitate a breast in front of his own chest. 

"You're fuckin' crazy," Harry shakes his head at his idiot best friend.

"I don't like more than a handful. It reminds me of my mom or some shit."

Liam nods. "Your mom does have some big ass titty's," 

"Don't talk about my mom." 

"You brought her up..."

The three of them haven't looked away from the girl since Niall pointed her out. 

"If you don't like that there's something wrong with you." Harry's already getting hard.

"I didn't say I didn't like her I just said she's kind of big,"

Harry laughs, looking at Niall's face. "She's too hot for you anyway, right?" He hears Liam's chuckle as he starts walking towards the bar. 

"Fuck you!" 

**

"Hey Grim, how's it goin'?" Harry leans on the bar, shouting over the music. 

"Good H, what can I get ya?" 

Harry glances at the ten in the red dress next to him as he orders. "Whiskey, neat." 

The girl looks up from her phone, he holds eye contact with her even as the drink it set in front of him. Eventually she smiles and there it is, the ice is broken. 

**

Harry and red dress danced for three songs before they needed a break. They sat on one of the less occupied sofas the club had to offer. The second she smiled at him he went for it, kissing her with tongue. Usually that was all it takes, this was clearly not usually.

She pushes him by his shoulder. 

"What makes you think you can do that?" She's smiling, so he takes it as flirting. He doesn't understand the whole hard-to-get act these chicks pull, but he respects it. 

"Do what?" he grins, leaning in and kissing her again. She kisses back for two seconds before pushing him away again. 

She giggles. "Get the fuck outta here." 

His cocky grin is permanent, women love it. 

"You wanna get outta here?" he raises an eyebrow. 

The girl opens her mouth, astonished. "Fuck you,"

"You wanna fuck me? Is that why you kissed me?"

"I did not kiss you!" 

Harry puts his lips back on hers. "Yeah you did." He licks into her mouth once when she pushes him again. 

"Stop it, I mean it. Knock it off." 

Red dress gets off the sofa and Harry follows. When he sees her heading towards a cab, he frantically yells about buying her another drink.

She flips him off and the cab drives away. 

**

The night didn't end there. Harry ended up taking home an eight wearing a blue dress. She sucked his dick only until he was hard enough to put a condom on before she laid on her back. Missionary, Harry doing all of the work, her falling asleep, same old same old. There's no money shot, because he has to wear a fuckin' condom. Don't take him wrong though, it was great. Perfect tits, perfect ass, even though he couldn't even feel it because she laid on her back the whole time. It was great, but he didn't lose himself like he did with porn. That's how he found himself shifting the sleeping eight off of his chest and creeping into the living room with his laptop tucked under his arm. 

The all the familiar chiming already had him more excited than the thirty second blow job he'd just got an hour ago. Bikini shots of girls with fake tits sucking on red lollipops got him fully hard. A fourteen minute video petite blonde on her knees, rubbing her pussy while she alternated between sucking three different cocks is what made him lose himself. For those fourteen minutes, the bitch in the red dress didn't matter, the eight in his bed didn't exist, the only thing was real was the girl covered in cum begging for more. 

** 

Every Sunday, no matter what happened the night before is always reserved for church and afterwards dinner with his family. After every beautiful service he tells the father his confessions from throughout the week. This week, he'd had sexual relations out of wedlock three times and masturbated to pornography eleven times. He could hear the sigh in the father's voice when issued him with fifteen Lord's Prayers and twenty Hail Mary's. 

"One day Harry," his mother points at him with her fork. "One day we're gunna be sitting here and you're gunna say to me, you're gunna say 'Ma I found her, I'm in love'." His sister snorts at their mother's dreamy smile.

"He's a kid Anney, let him be." His father's eyes never look away from the television. "Mother fuck!" He screams at the football match.

"Watch your mouth, Harold." 

When Sunday dinners finished he goes straight to the gym. Most people take out their frustration when their working out, but to Harry the gym is a positive thing. It helps keep his body in the best shape possible, how could he be angry when his muscles flex in the mirror as lifts weights or does pull ups? That's crazy, no he uses that time to say his Lord's Prayers. It's a better method than counting and it makes him feel good.

**

Porn is great, amazing even but everything has its downsides. Unfortunately porn isn't an exception. Like when you find a great clip, the girls hot and slutty and makes the most sinful noises when she's bouncing her ass back on a cock like her life depends on it and right before you come, they cut to the guys face and it's not like you can stop yourself when you're already coming. So yeah, that sucks. But that's a small issue compared to all the great things porn has to offer. 

There are some videos so fucking good it's almost sad, like the ones that immediately start with an ass shot of a girl rubbing her hands all over her body. Harry loses himself in those videos faster than any other videos. He just keeps thinking, man, why can't real pussy be like this? Blow jobs and titty fucking, doggy and cow girl. He's got a different girl at least once a week, looking for the one that makes him feel even a percent of what porn makes him feel but it doesn't happen. Every new bitch is a different pussy but in a way it's always the same pussy. Maybe it's time to try something new. 

"Hey remember that dime from last week?" Harry asked while doing pull ups on Liam's door hanger pull up master. Every time he sees it he can't resist. 

"That broad in the red dress? Please tell me you hit that?" Food spurts out of Niall's mouth when he talks.

"No I didn't you fuckin' alcoholic I bought your broke ass a drink after she left." 

"Fuck you!" 

"I thought you had her?" Liam makes a confused face at Harry.

Harry shakes his head, continuing his pull ups effortlessly. "No I ended up with a different broad, eight or a nine." 

"Six or a seven!" Niall corrects.

Harry jumps down, offended by the accusation. He doesn't take home anything less than an eight, he never has and never will. 

"Fuck you. What the fuck did you take home? Huh?"

Niall cracks open the beer Liam just handed him. "Twos and threes baby, twos and threes!" Liam scrunches his nose. "Twos and threes are very open minded ladies . They don't say no." 

Harry ignores him and puffs on the joint they're passing around, conveniently avoiding Niall until he's done eating. 

"I gotta find that girl." 

Liam nods. "You get her name?" 

"Her name?" 

"Her first and last name."

He did, perks of working at the club where they met. He traded his Saturday shift for a Monday shift, which is at least a hundred dollars in tips difference for Grim to spill, but this girl is worth it. 

"Zayn Malik." 

Finding her Facebook was easy, she was the seventh page under that name and easily the hottest. He sent her a message along with a friend request, playing it safe by asking her to lunch. Girls like her took time, dinner was too intimate. She accepted though, with no questions asked. He was glad they were over the whole hard to get act. 

She looked more beautiful in the sunlight than she did in the club lights, a definite ten. He watched her walk down the sidewalk like it was a fuckin' runway, confident like she knew just how hot she really was. When she got to their table, he stood up to hug her hello and was pleasantly surprised when she kissed his cheek too. She sat down across from, asking how he'd been just to be polite. She didn't really care, and he knew it. 

"How'd you find my Facebook?" Zayn looked Harry straight in the eyes.

Harry laughed. "Straight to it, huh?" She nodded. "Alright, I searched your name." 

"I didn't tell you my name."

"Obviously you did, if I looked you up." 

Zayn shook her head, fighting a smile. "I definitely didn't tell you my name, I'd remember if I did." 

"I don't know... you were pretty wasted."

"Alright, I had a few drinks the other night so maybe I don't remember telling you my first name but I definitely didn't tell you my last name." 

"I'm telling you, you did."

"Don't lie to me," Harry shook his head, Zayn cut him off before he could make up an excuse. "You don't know me, so I'll let it go this time but in the future you'll be much happier if you always tell me the truth." 

This girl is nuts. Most dimes usually are. "I'll be happier?" He asked, amused.

"I could make you very happy if I wanted to, don't you think?" She tested. She knew the answer, Harry didn't need to reply. 

"So how'd you find my Facebook?" Zayn tried again.

"I asked around." He confessed.

"Yeah? You asked around about me?... Why?" 

"Why what?"

"Why'd you ask around about me? Cause you wanted to take me to lunch?" 

"Well, yeah,"

Zayn shook her head again. "Don't lie."

Harry threw his hands in the air. "Alright, shit. I wanted to fuck your brains out, there. Is that what you wanted me to say?" 

Zayn looked away, biting her lip to suppress a smile. "Well at least now you're being honest. 

Harry smiles at her, she was warming up to him. He knows he's good looking, that much is obvious but he knew his chance with this girl was slim. He never put effort into a girl, there's too many out there to be wasting time on just one, but this girl is different. He feels different about her, like she could be worth all the effort it takes to be able to fuck her. 

"You want the truth? Alright I'll be honest," Zayn looks at him curiously. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Never seen nothing like you,"

She smiles, her top teeth showing as she sucks her bottom lip in. "You like movies?" 

He fucking hates movies. He used to watch them all the time when he was younger, before he could get his hands on any porn cause back then if he wanted to see a hot girl, his best bet was to watch a movie. But now, there's really no point. Maybe it's just him, cause most people flip their shit over these movies. The pretty girl, the pretty guy, love at first site, the break up, the make up, then the happy sun set ending. It's all fake, none of that shit happens in real life. 

"Did you like it?" Zayn asks as they exit the theatre. 

Harry scoffs. "Oh yeah, it was beautiful. I loved it." 

Zayn nods, taking his hand into hers and leans her head on his shoulder as they walk. "He sacrificed everything for her, she was everything to him. That's a real man. And she's so beautiful too, I love her." 

"That girl?" The women in the movie was like a six, or a ten if you asked Niall. "She's too skinny, you know who's beautiful?" 

Harry stops her with his hand on her waist, his other tilting her chin up and presses a kiss to her lips. He'd meant for it to be soft and sweet, like in the sappy movie they'd just watched but when Zayn's tongue licks at his lips he licks back.

She pulls away first, just enough that their foreheads are still touching. "What makes you think you can do that?" She breathes against his lips.

"Do what?" Harry closes his eyes and kisses her again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, ill work on chapter 3 after this one is posted I promise!

"In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit, amen." Harry says through the screen.

"Amen. Bless you son." 

"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been one week since my last confession." 

"Tell me your sins." 

Harry's confessions are the same every week, give or take a sin or two. He often wonders if it's the same priest every week, not that it really matters but.

"Since last Sunday I have /not/ had sexual relations out of wedlock. I did kiss a girl, just one girl, out of wedlock several times but uh, it's just kissing, so... I forget if that counts. Also I watched pornographic videos and masturbated twenty two times. For these and all the sins in my life I am sorry." 

Maybe it is the same man, because even though the father's aren't supposed to judge, Harry swears he hears faint amusement in his voice when he tells him: "Ten Lord's Prayers and ten hail Mary's."

"Thank you father." Harry grins. 

"Through the ministry of the church may God give you pardon and peace and I absolve you from your sins, the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit." 

"Amen." Harry waves through the screen.

**

Road rage isn't really something Harry cares enough about to stop. He knows he has it, but who's fault is that for giving these idiots permission to drive? Of course he's going to yell and slam his horn excessively when a fuckin' mini van /stops/ at a /God Damn yellow fucking light/ that two minutes long.

"Fucking go! Yellow light!" He beeps three times, the last time holding his palm there so the noise doesn't stop. 

He's in a rush. Dinner with his family took longer than usual and he's already going to have to cut his gym time to less than half his usual time so he's not late to pick up Zayn. They're going out for /drinks/. 

**

Being the gentleman Harry is, he walked her to her door to kiss her goodbye. It was an intentional like, persuasion or anything. Plus, it's Zayn who grabs his hair and shoves their faces together in an all teeth and sloppy tongue kiss. He can't help it as he starts grinding his crotch into her hip, pressing wet kisses down her neck, trailing to her breasts. Zayn puts her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back a little. 

"No," she moans breathlessly. "No."

Harry groans into her neck. "What? Why?"

"Not out here," 

"So let's go inside." Harry sucks softly on her neck. 

Zayn puts her hands on Harry's lower back, pushing their clothed crotches together and rocks a little. "Its not time for that yet."

"You sure?" She's the one who started humping him in the hallway...

"Yeah," Zayn moans. "We barely know each other." 

"Yeah we do, pretty much," Harry's breathless as Zayn pants into his neck, kissing her way up to his ear. 

"I don't know your friends,"

Harry raises an eyebrow but keeps the grinding going. "My friends?"

"I wanna meet your friends," Zayn tells him as she licks and sucks at his earlobe. 

Harry moans quietly. "Those guys are ass holes." 

"You don't know my friends, or our families." 

Harry pulls his face away from hers. "Wait what? Our families?" Isn't it too early for that? 

Zayn pulls his hips into hers harder. "Yeah, I wanna meet your parents and your sister,"

"Oh Jesus..." he'll say extra hail Mary's on the way home.

"What?" Zayn kisses his neck. "You don't wanna meet my parents and my sisters?"

"Um..."

"Cause they wanna meet you." She licks Harry's neck, trailing to the spot below his ear and sucks lightly.

He whimpers, snapping his hips into hers. "I'm sure they do," 

"Harry," Zayn moans.

"Mmm, yeah,"

"I can't let you inside just yet, because I don't know what that would mean, you know?" Her voice comes out as a moan, and that's all Harry really registers. "I don't wanna do anything unless it means something. Don't you think it's better when it means something?" 

"Yeah..." 

"I think you should go back to school baby?"

"What?" At this point he's not really paying attention to the words she's actually saying, all he can focus on is the moans around them. Especially when she turns around and grabs his hands, forcing them to her tits and grinds her ass into his crotch.

"You'd be so hot with a real job baby."

"Oh my god," he's close to coming in his pants, her tits are so soft...

"Just a night class baby, you'll take just one class for me right baby?" 

Harry feels dizzy, with how close he is.

"What do you say baby? You, me, and our friends go out some time?"

"Oh yeah..." Harry grunts.

"And our families meet, huh baby?"

"Uh huh," Harry doesn't know what he's agreeing to, doesn't care really. He wants to come.

"And you'll take just one little class, yeah baby?" 

"Oh fuck yeah,"

"Yeah, yeah baby. Come baby, come," Zayn coaxes him. 

Harry grunts, jolting forward as his cock spurts in his boxer shorts. "Oh Jesus." 

Zayn turns around and kisses him, just once. "You're so cute." 

She unlocks her door and looks at Harry one last time. "Call me." She points at him with her keys, then closes the door in his face. 

**

He sees Zayn all week. They haven't actually had sex yet though, which leaves Harry with more pants ruined by come stains than he'll ever admit. But, they're boyfriend and girlfriend now, so it'll happen eventually. 

When his computer chimes to life, he flicks through Zayn's Facebook pictures. Bathroom selfies and club pics of her holding drinks, cleavage and her ass in tight clothing is all he needs. He doesn't even need to the video, his girlfriend is so hot he can actually come to a picture she took in a bathroom mirror where a hint of her pink bra shows. He's pretty fuckin' lucky. 

They meet up with their friends first, for dinner then a few drinks at the same place. 

Harry's so, he's just so giddy almost with how hot his girlfriend actually is that he can't help but lean over and kiss her neck. She's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, she's got a porn star body, definitely porn star lips. 

"Baby," Zayn smiled, laughing a little as she pushes Harry away.

"Baby." He goes in to kiss her again, because he can. 

"You guys having a good time over there?" Niall asks.

"Listen you little bitch I don't wanna hear shit from you." Harry whispers to him sternly. 

Niall rolls his eyes. "Jeez."

Harry stands up, grabbing his drink. "Alright everyone alright, a little toast. Stand up, baby," 

"What? Why?" 

"Come on, this is for you too."

"Oh god," Zayn fixes her dress and stands up, Harry immediately pulls her to his hip and raises his drink.

"You guys know it's me and this girls one month anniversary, and I'm counting it from the first time I saw her cause ever since then I felt the same way." 

Zayn coos at him at gives him a kiss. 

"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life, to you baby." 

"No, to us." She clinks their glasses together.

"To us," Harry smiles, kissing her again. Niall and Liam watch in somewhat disgust and shock, while all of Zayn's friends smile and coo at them. 

"Cheers," Liam looks at Niall with a straight face, tapping their glasses together as well. 

"And God bless." Niall mutters. Liam nods. 

**

They move to the dance floor, Zayn's friends grab her and pull her to a less crowded area. Harry lets them go alone, for girl talk or whatever but he watches her hungrily. The way her leopard printed dress hugs to her curves, the way her tongue curls around her straw before her lips wrap around it. She's the sexiest woman in the room, and she's his. Of course he's staring at her. 

Then Niall taps him on his shoulder. "White shorts." He nods towards a leggy blonde in short white shorts. 

She's got the body of a thirteen year old boy, the legs are nice but she's too skinny, like supermodel skinny. 

"She's alright." Harry sips his drink. That girl is Niall's type all the way one hundred ten percent, so he's going to fight him on this, Harry already knows. 

"What! That's a dime!" 

"That's not a dime." 

"I'm sorry, but I'd rather do that than do yours." 

Harry actually has to laugh at this idiot, why they're still best friends is a mystery to him. 

"You're fuckin' crazy." Harry can't stop laughing at him. Legs is so plain, his girl is way hotter than her it's almost sad. 

"I can like any girl I wanna like, Harry I'm sorry but she's hotter than yours." Niall shrugs.

"Alright you can like who ever you want but she's /not/ hotter than my girl!" Niall's a fucking idiot. 

The dumb blonde holds his arms out, ready for an argument. "To you maybe not, but to me-"

Harry tips his drink so it pours down the front of Niall's light grey t-shirt. "Whoops! Sorry buddy!" 

"Fuck you Harry!" Niall yells as Harry walks towards Zayn. 

The second he's behind her he tilts her jaw to kiss her, not caring if he interrupted the girls conversation. It probably wasn't as important as kissing his girlfriend is anyway. 

**

The next afternoon, Saturday, when he's doing laundry it's to his pure fucking annoyance that he finds literally all of his pants that aren't church pants have been ruined by come stains. Hard and scratchy white patches are on the crotch on all of his jeans from Zayn making him come in his pants every time he drops her off. So yeah, Jean shopping and searching for stain removers are another irritating thing he has to deal with. But coming against Zayn's ass is too damn good to cry over ruined pants. 

Sunday morning he was given ten hail Mary's and ten Lord's Prayers. 

"So uh," Harry stabs at the macaroni in the middle of his mother's table, stalling while she stares expectantly at him. "I'm seeing this girl." 

His mother looks like a child on Christmas morning. "What did you say?" 

"What do you mean, what did I say?"

His dad furrows his eyebrows at Harry, taking his eyes away from the television long enough to defend his wife. "She asked you what you said, what's the matter with that? I couldn't understand you either, why don't you speak up and talk like a human being." 

"Harold shush," Anne waves him off.

Harry gives him a look. "What's your problem?" 

"Harry... did you say you found her?" Anne asks, giddy. 

"Well I mean," Harry shrugs. He's still uncomfortable admitting to himself he loves this girl, let alone his mother. 

"Ohhh my god! My baby!" Anne cheers, clutching her heart smiling.

Harry's sister Gemma looks up from her phone to glare at their mother. 

"What's her name? What's her name!" 

"Zayn." 

Anne smiles dreamlike. "Zayn what?" 

"Malik."

"Malik," his dad repeats. 

"What is she?" Anne asks, cocking her head sideways. 

"She a Jew?" Harold asks with mouth full of food. 

"I don't know." He doesn't really care either. Ones relationship with God is personal. 

"What do you mean you don't know?" Harold presses.

"We haven't talked about it." 

"Malik, Malik, she black?" 

Harry chokes on his drink at the stupid questioning. "Not really." 

"Well what's she look like?" Anne questions, smiling proudly. 

"She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." 

Harold rolls his eyes, muttering "oh god" as he chews his food. 

"Baby, oh! That's the sweetest thing I ever heard anybody say!" Anne could cry right now. "And does she love you?" 

"Whoa wait a minute," Harold slams his beer on the table. "Love him? What are you kidding me?"

"Harold! Hush!" 

"They're kids for cryin' out loud!"

"So what!" 

Harry's officially irritated. "Don't call me a kid alright? We talked about this, I don't appreciate it." He tells his dad. 

"Well excuse me." Harold rolls his eyes.

"Harold!" Anne tries desperately to get him to shut up. 

"Dad, I'm asking you nicely." 

"What? To not call you a kid? You're a fuckin' kid." 

Harry throws his napkin on the table and stands so aggressively his chair almost topples over. "Fuck you!" He points to his father.

Harold stands up as well, everyone ignoring Anne's yelling of Harold's name. 

"Fuck me? Did you just say fuck me to me?" Harold points at his wife beater clad chest. 

"Harooooooolddddd!" Anne claps repeatedly until she has both boys attention. "He says they're in love, they're in love it doesn't matter how old they are! He's older than you were when you married me, you know that? For God sake, he's your son." 

The father and son look each other in the eye, their defensive postures relaxing a little. 

"You love this girl?" Harold asks, nodding anyway. 

"As a matter of fact I do." Harry admits proudly. 

"Alright, well. When do we get to meet her?" 

Anne coos and cheers as she comes around the table to pinch Harry's cheeks and hug him more than probably necessary.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've watched the movie so many times that this is beyond painfully boring to write but occasionally ill get an email that someone left kudos on this and y'all wore me down

Zayn decided it was time for Harry to meet her family, so she invited him to some stupid kids birthday party. It was princess themed and there were way too many kids. She made him hold one, it was small a drooled but the little thing smiled at him, and Zayn's mom liked that and apparently so did Zayn. He was rewarded with a quick make out session in her childhood room, it didn't last long before someone called for her though. 

He followed through with the whole school thing, too. It was boring as shit. He was just finishing up the fifteen minute break outside when his phone vibrated in his pants. He smiled at the caller I.D.

"Hey, baby."

"Hey baby how's it going?" Zayn's voice was the usual seductive, sexy tone. 

"Its uh, it's alright."

"Yeah? You on break baby?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?" He didn't even there would be a break so how would Zayn know?

"Your schedule is online." She tells him.

"Oh,"

"Baby,"

"Yeah?"

"Can I come over when you're done?"

"You wanna come to my place?"

"Yeah," Zayn purrs.

Harry laughs a little. "Alright." 

"Okay, get back to class my sexy smart man."

"Alright,"

"Bye baby."

"Bye."

By the time he's off of the phone everyone else has went back inside to class, so he jogs towards the stairs so he isn't too late. He stops hesitantly at the top step, because there's a woman sobbing in the middle of the door way. She notices him before he says anything and immediately wipes at her face. 

"Sorry, I'm sorry." She shakes her head. 

Harry holds up his hand, looking anywhere but her face. "It's fine." 

He walks passed her before she says anything else. 

** 

He's in love with Zayn, he is, and tonight he finally got to fuck her. But it /still/ wasn't better than porn. Tits? Best ever. Ass? Best ever. Blow job? Good luck, a girl that hot doesn't have to give head. She just wants to go from kissing, to naked kissing, to laying on her back while Harry fucks her missionary. Or uh, "makes love". No doggy, no cowboy-

"What the fuck are you doing?" Zayn startles Harry where he's sitting on the couch with his laptop open. 

"I'm reading emails," he lies, closing it before Zayn can see anymore.

"No you weren't, you we're watching porno!"

"That's not what that was,"

"Don't! Lie to me, I saw you!" Zayn's voice raises. 

"Yeah, but baby-"

Zayn puts her hand up and turns away. "Don't call me that! Oh my god that's the most disgusting thing I ever seen in my life!" 

She goes back to his room and grabs her purse, shoving clothes into it, or out of it maybe. 

"I don't know what that is! That's sick, that's what that is, it's sick!" She tells him.

"But baby I'm telling you-"

"Don't call me that!"

"Okay fine but I'm telling you that thing I was watching was just a joke!" He grabs both of her arms, forcing her to listen to him. "Some dumb ass buddy of mine sent it to me /as a joke/! Come on, do I look like the kind of guy that watches porn?" 

Zayn's a little taken back. "No you didn't seem like that type,"

"Right! Cause fuckin losers watch porn, guys that can't get laid."

"No, no my friends their, their boyfriend's are watching porno on the internet all the time it's fuckin disgusting," 

Harry laughs. "It's fuckin stupid, is what it is. Why would they watch porn when they can have the real thing? Get with a real girl?"

"So you don't do that normally, no," Zayn says more than asks.

"No." Harry denies, laughing.

"When was the last time you did that before this?"

Before she came to his apartment. "I don't even know, I was a kid or something."

"You're never gonna do it again?"

"No, why would I?" Because it's the best thing in the world. 

"Promise?" Zayn whispers.

"Promise," Harry smiles softly at her. "Baby, I love you." 

Zayn smiles brilliantly at him, cups his head in her hands and kisses him. 

"Aw, come here." She hugs him tight.

She didn't say it back, but she didn't leave. So, whatever. 

***

After the scene Zayn made about him watching porn, it felt like his laptop was taunting him. He'd type in what he wanted to see in the search bar, but he struggled to press enter. Fuck it. 

It's not like he can't stop, he just figures why should he? Alright, so his girlfriend doesn't like it. So she doesn't have to know about it. It's not like he's cheating on, he doesn't watch it when she's around. So everything's fine.

She has been spending a lot of time at his place though, so he looked into it and it's pretty fucking amazing how easy it is to get porn on the go. So. Yeah, he watches his porn on his phone now.

He shamelessly loads a video he's seen a few times while he waits for the professor to start the class. 

"Excuse me?" A voice to his left startled him. "Oh um, were you on your phone?"

Harry quickly powers the phone off so he doesn't look like a pervert or something for enjoying his porn before a lecture.

"No, no." He denies. 

"I'm Louis," the woman gives a small wave.   
Harry doesn't make eye contact, eye contact is an invitation for more conversation. He does have manners though, "Good to meet you." 

/Louis/ doesn't take the hint. "What's your name?" She asks sweetly. 

"Harry." 

"Um, I hope I'm not bothering you," she fidgets.

He's got enough things to hail Mary, being rude to this woman isn't going to be one of them. "Oh no, not at all." He lies politely. 

"I just, I wanted to apologize. I don't know if you remember but you caught me at kind of an... /inopportune/ moment last week,"

He doesn't recall seeing her at all. "Huh?" 

"When you caught me sobbing by the door..." Louis reminds him.

Fuck. "Oh yeah! Sorry about that." Harry nods, hoping to end the conversation. 

"No please, please don't you apologize about that. You didn't do anything wrong, I just felt like I should say something,"

Smiling just enough to dimple, Harry nods. "Okay, well-"

"Because I been thinking about it a lot, actually and I realized that," to Harry's complete horror, Louis smooths her dress and takes a seat in the desk next to him. "No one has seen me like that in um, six months and it's not-"

The lights dim and the professors voice echoes through the room, saving Harry. Or so he thought. 

"It's not like it's a rare occurrence, I do that all the time," Louis' voice has dropped to a whisper, but the wild hand gestures continue as Harry clicks his pen obnoxiously. "It's just something that I do in private really, and when you think about it, it's really fucked up to keep it in. That's what became clear to me when you startled me,"

Harry had been nodding up until that point, so Louis quickly shakes her head and continues. "I mean, you didn't really startle me you just, walked by but I just wanted to say thank you, and um. This might be rude but were you just watching people fucking on your phone?"

He snaps his head in her direction, raising his voice, "What?!" 

"Oh, it's okay. I'm not judging you,"

Enough is enough. "Look lady, I'm just here to take this class."

Louis grins, and it's annoying. "Did you just call me /lady/?"

His smirk out grins her, or whatever. "So you take care."

"Oh yeah, sorry. Say no more." Louis doesn't move, just pulls her own note pad and pen from her bag. 

"I'm sorry," she says again, honesty. 

"No, it's fine." Harry's voice all nonchalant.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry


End file.
